Thoughts and fears on transitioning to full-time stay-at-home mom

So I'm 3 weeks from that big "transition to full-time mommy" and I have more thoughts coming every day.

I'm not sure if I should entitle this "thoughts on becoming a stay-at-home mom" or "fears of becoming a stay-at-home mom."

Here's a list, with probably more thoughts and possible "deeper" explanations on the topic over the upcoming weeks and months.

Fears of being a stay-at-home mom

My deepest fear is that I will be a failure. Now I know there's no failure in being a mom (unless you do something criminal against your kids, of course!) but since with working full time I have set goals, deadlines and I know how I'm doing and I really control my career-life, with kids it isn't like that.


Another fear I have is of not necessarily rejection but of the fights and potential battling that is generally seen as the "pay" of stay at home moms. Stay at home mom pay is low. I know I'll get paid by smiles and quick hugs from my daughter (she's like me, not very huggy/physical) and big kisses and slobbers and tickles from my son. With regular work, you get paid for what you do and possibly more if you do really well. Pay raises as a stay at  home mom are likely to come through bonding and attachment, right? Well hopefully I haven't missed too much of those because at almost 5, my daughter will likely start to get to the "mom's not cool" age. Mean while, this thought to stay at home started because my daughter was sad last year when the substitute teacher (at her old school) thought that our au pair was her mom. That made her cry a few times. I do not want that for my daughter. This way, I'll be doing more drop-offs and pick-ups. That is a satisfaction I will get, but likely I have to know this innately, and not expect a pat on the back or a "thanks for being there mom" from my daughter.

I fear I'll be bored and feel unsatisfied. Moms aren't supposed to be bored of staying at home with their kids, right? We're supposed to enjoy rolling on the carpet, playing cars and be happy to blow up 100 balloons a week, right? Well I know that logically we all realize we won't always be happy doing these things, but my fear is that since I'm goal oriented, I won't be able to let go of those "measurements" and stress myself out. This goes back to the whole "failure" thing that I first said. But I know my stay-at-home mom friends do not get bored. There are so many things to be done each day! If I'm bored it is likely because I'm being a lazy lump on a log, right :)

Perhaps, deep down, I'm afraid I'll actually like staying at home. I mean, who has two bachelor's and three master's degrees and wants to stay home with their kids? I know I have the book smarts to be a parent (master's in education and also a master's in psychology) and that should mean I can tell a mom some theories on parenting and child development, right? But, put it into action, I put a lot of time and money into my education. I know I am doing a good thing by being home for my kids, I'll be there for them when they come home from school, I can be at my daughter's ballet class. I can bring my son to library story time. Perhaps I can even plan meals out to prevent food waste even! But, I either need to change my competitive, goal-oriented personality, make "goals and checklists" for staying at home, or find a balance within there.

So, in a few weeks, it will be "welcome to the 16%" - as in the 16% of moms who havea post-graduate degree and are unemployed (Gallup poll)

Transition to *just* being a mommy

Transition to full-time Mommy!

Five years ago, I sat in an apartment on the east coast, recently unemployed but pregnant and hopeful. At the time, we had determined that I'd stay home for a year or so, then transition back to the workforce. I enjoyed working and staying at home long-term wasn't on my mind. My mom worked, my aunts all worked, my gramma worked... why wouldn't I? Plus, I'd invested heavily (both time and money) in my education, so of course, I'd go back to work.

The time came much sooner as I had received a call to come back. While we had already determined we'd be moving to another state, we chose Arizona due to the cost of living and my possibilities to go back to work. Well, things worked out for me to telecommute and I've had that flexibility since then, which has been great and while in some positions it caused me to put in a lot more late hours than otherwise, it really has been great.

Now five years later, I'm in a similar situation. Soon to be unemployed (as part of a reduction in force, which I understand and actually support) I am making a big transition in my life.

This time around, I have two kids. I have a different outlook and as an "actual" parent, I know how hard it is to even consider making a job change with young kids. While I had a feeling this lay off was going to happen, we've decided that staying at home will be best for our entire family. Recently our au pair's time was up with us, and I determined it wasn't a good idea to find another au pair, not knowing what would happen "next. Since when we commit to an au pair, it is for the one year time frame for their visa, it just wouldn't be fair to an au pair to bring them on not knowing if we could really commit as we should. So, since then I've been wondering what is next.

As of now, I have another 28 days until the day of separation takes place, and hopefully in that time I'll be more confident in this decision. Really, hopefully I don't freak out two weeks from now, succumb to my fears and start applying for jobs that may not  be the right fit for me. Instead, I hope we're heading to the path of smooth sailing on my "transition to full-time mommy."

I'll be hopefully keeping you readers up-do-date and you can watch the tag "transition to full-time mommy" for my thoughts, feelings and see if I do end up running myself back to the office!