What's the meaning of a baby's name?

Baby names are extremely personal. Many parents-to-be choose to keep names private or at least semi-secret to prevent back lash on a name. Really, who can "hate" a name once it is attached to a baby?

For us, our daughter's name was found on the side of a boat in Finland (3/4 of my heritage) and since it also has a meaning in Sanskrit, it fit for us, as my husband is Indian. We liked how it sounded, it had great meaning and was pronounceable and relevant for both of our families. When you're blending cultures, it is hard to find names that have meaning and won't prevent a child from defining themselves in a culture or, on the other hand, give them a name that may not fit exactly who they are.

For our son's name, we at first were looking at names that started with a particular letter, but nothing stuck. My husband's lovely idea was "Indus Trias (last name)" Um... yeah say that quickly and see why his half-a-bottle of wine idea was quickly nixed! We ended up a name that has meaning again in Hindi/Sanskrit, is heard of and pronounceable in the west and actually has a variation that is Irish - which happens to be the source of my last name and a tiny bit of my blood!

Well, I saw the name Uma Thurman and her boyfriend apparently decided on their baby, and even though baby is here, I have to say WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? Apparently someone's indecisive. I mean, I have some names that I really wanted for babies that my husband said absolutely NOT to... but I didn't just add them to make more middle names!

Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson

• Rosalind: (f) Old German meaning Gentle horse
• Arusha: (m) Sanskrit meaning calm, bright sun.
• Arkadina: unknown - but is a character in Chekhov's "The Seagull"
• Altalune: perhaps means high moon (luckily she didn't separate this and make it something like "Alta-Luna")
• Florence (f) Latin meaning "I flower" or "to blossom"
• Thurman-Busson (again, indecisive, but at least she won't be the only one kiddo out there with a hyphenated last name)

So while I do love creativity, sometimes, we need to make a decision on a child's name, right? I do wish people would leave kid's names alone and just let them be, but 7 names in one? That's a bit much in my book. But, I guess, live and let live... there are bigger fish to fry :)

Death of a culture - what will die with you? Bilingual children

I remember a discussion in my undergraduate sociology class that surrounded the theory that, "without language, we lose culture." What does this mean? As parents, I take it to mean that if we have the gift of a "native tongue" that we fail to pass on to our children, we are choosing to not pass on our culture.

In the past, those who came to the US were often forced to not teach their mother languages to their children - basically required to immerse their children into English with no chance of passing on "the home country" language. (Please note, the US does not have an official language). Also, we have small cultural sects or minorities in other countries who faced the same situation - they were forced to deny their heritage whether through social pressure or government control (such as the Maavaci of Russia). This process attempts to keep a more homogeneous culture and parents may see this as "better" because their children't won't be seen as outsiders, and not teach their language to their children by choice. It seems that instead of understanding no matter what we will have differences and seeing how being unique is a quality we should embrace, we are, instead, just keeping secret something that should be considered a gift.

Are we killing part of a culture when we don't pass on language? 

Now I am not saying you MUST teach your children another language or you are a bad parent if it doesn't work for you. I'm also not saying that if you know another language, especially if you are a native speaker, that you have to teach your child that language. There are not absolutes in parenting! But, not passing on a language not only affects the ability to converse in a language, but being fluent in multiple languages allows you to actually THINK differently. "All this new research shows us that the languages we speak not only reflect or express our thoughts, but also shape the very thoughts we wish to express." (Baroditsky, L, 2010).

To speak like a native, first we have to learn a language from a native speaker. Second, it seems to be important to learn language two (L2 in linguistics) by around ages 5-6 and actually the "recognition" of these accents starts to decrease by age one! Yes, infants can tell the difference! So, speaking in another language to an infant MATTERS, not only because their brain development, but also so that, we, as caregivers get in the practice of speaking that language. This time appears to be that cusp point for our brains and tongues to match. I am on a reading list on linkedin for TESL teachers and accent coaches. There is only so much someone can attempt to help "fix" later on - our tongues learn to work a certain way, our brains know different context (we may not even KNOW to think of another way to say how the snow is drifting or the multiple ways to say the color blue). For me, it is hard for me to speak things in so many languages because I can't roll my "r" - it just wasn't something I heard or had to do or was taught early on - my brain just doesn't know how to tell my tongue to do that!

So, if you have that second language in your family, don't feel like you can't bring it in because you weren't doing say "one speaker, one language" idea from birth (which isn't the only way to do it anyway). It is never "too late" though there are cusps when learning happens easiest both on our brains and willingness. You CAN pass on a language, especially if you're talking a younger child. Now since language and culture are so intertwined, knowing another language fluently can affect a child's sense of "who" they are - make learning another language, especially if it is one in your family's heritage POSITIVE.

When we choose to not teach our children a language we have to recognize that part of how we think also is not passed on. So, if we learn a language later in life, we will try to implement rules of logic, thought, and grammar into that 'new' language. Genc & Bada (2005) indicated that the theory of language and culture is so intertwined because, "we perceive the world in terms of categories and distinctions found in our  native language and... what is found in  one language may not be found in another language due to cultural differences." (Read the full article here).

Here's the thing, if we have the gift of another language, there shouldn't be a reason to keep it in our back pocket and not gift our children with that second language. If, at a later age, your child doesn't want to keep it up, they can choose to do so! A child adopted internationally and not given the opportunity to keep their language up, for example, mostly ends up going through the process of language attrition. If you teach your child another language and later chooses to abandon the language, and that's okay with the parents, that is fine! But, I have yet to meet an adult whose mother or father spoke a different language and said "wow, I wish they never taught me [insert language here]." Instead I know plenty of people who say, "I wish my dad/mom had taught me their language."

I guess an extension to this question would be - what do we fail to learn in language when we learn from say a book or a non-native speaker? If we try to "go back" and learn a language, lost from previous generations, we may be able to reconnect, but only within the context we have of our teachers.

Parents, if you have another language sitting in your back pocket, feel free to pass it on to your children. It really is a gift.

How does change happen? Cultural implications of female foetacide

I read a few online magazines and get a Kindle delivered newspaper to try to help me keep up to date with the happening in India. One of the constant considerations is the plight of "the girl child."

I've read stories of women who are "childless" because, they've buried alive girl children at birth, due to the desire for a boy child... one lady (I fail to call her mom, because I don't know how anyone, no matter how strong the cultural preference for a boy may be) had more than 5 girl children and remained childless...

In some areas of India, especially in URBAN areas and among the educated, there are only 850 girls for every 1000 boys. This is worse than it was 20 years ago. In spite of sex selective abortion being illegal (and even the sonographer telling you the child's sex being illegal), families find ways to ensure that the burden of a girl child is not there. A close friend is waiting on her adoption from a girl from India who happens to have spina bifida - it really is a gift of life!!

Anyway, the point of this post is that with the taboo topics in a culture, or even a family, change cannot happen without first admitting and being open about the problem.

We also need to define the problem. The problem is often systemic and deeply rooted. Though dowry is illegal in India, it still happens and is common and women who saw their family of origin become subject to dowry abuse probably do not want to see their own children face the same thing... and thus, their feeling of being trapped as a woman, probably makes them dread having girl children of their own. I saw this personally with a nanny we had - As much as I'd loved to have helped her through this emotionally, pregnant at the time with my son, I really had a hard time dealing with the emotions I had when she would tell me how her family used all their savings for her to go to a good university and get a master's degree, and pay that illegal dowry... only to be told by her inlaws that she was forbidden from working. Her parents couldn't afford the few rupees to pay for their medications, so she felt bad and her brother also made sure she knew how much of a burden she was.

What's the problem here?

Is the problem that women aren't valued?

Is the problem that men feel too superior?

Is the problem that women don't feel empowered?

These are all probably part of that bigger problem, deeply-rooted, woven into stories and folklore, ingrained in children from early on, both from these stories and by what they see in their daily life.

If your child was in school would you want these sad facts to be taught along side biology and calculus?

Can a change be made by educating most of Indian children about the problem? A current proposal is to ensure that all state-board schools (in India, schools are known by which syllabus they use) teach about the issue of female foeticide.

Many say, just out-law abortion (and I'm 100% pro life), but that doesn't fix this - female infanticide still exists. Laws won't change attitudes, awareness and sensitivity can change it.

It happens in many places in the world and it is sad. Whether it is lack of education for our girls, or any group of people, or any other form of discrimination, it is important to talk about the issue, open it up to others to make change. The thing is, while in the US we may not have THIS issue, we've had other issues and we have issues today still with inequality.

We cannot make change by just turning our eyes to the issue. We need to speak up to the wrongs and build up those being discriminated today while change happens. To lose a life to a doctor, a mom or suicide just shouldn't happen anywhere in the world.

Successful-ish Vat Savitri day by a non-Hindu

As mentioned last night, I decided to up the ante a bit and follow through a tradition that occurs in many Hindu families, even though I'm not Hindu and my husband was raised with Hindu traditions, but is not religious at all.

So my day did not start with a ritual cleaning (one, I have no idea what the ritual for the bath would be), and then I did not find my way by foot to a Banyan tree. A google search of Phoenix did not find me one.... But, I did follow most of today's fast - I made sabudana as I was told this was allowed. Nice way to round out the dinner :)

Oh and I also did the ritual of touching my husband's feet when he came home. He still had his shoes on... so not so good, I guess. After 5.5 years of marriage, I probably should have known better!

Cultural significance of a fast - Vat Savitri Purnima Vrata

Fasting exists in many cultures and is entwined in many religions. Catholics Fast on Fridays through Lent, Muslims fast through Ramadan, Buddhist monks fast on New and Full moons, and this Monday (today on the east coast, tomorrow for me), I'm going to attempt my fast for Vat Savitri Purnima Vrata. While I do a basic fast during Lent (I am Catholic), an online friend posted a reminder of this fast and I decided, why not hope for longevity for my husband? Also, the weight that I had lost in June has decided it likes me better and is returning.

Vat Savitri Purnima Vrata is a Hindu holiday in which a woman fasts for her husband's longevity and well-being on this full moon and is named for Sati Savitri who fought with Lord Yama for her husband's life back. My husband lovingly informed me that I'm to walk barefoot and tie a white string around a Banyan tree. The problem is the closest one to us is likely in or around San Diego, a 5 hour drive through the desert. Sorry. Not happening. I'm also not heading out to buy new clothes.

For some wives who partake will have just water and fruit. I'll attempt coffee, water and fruit and go from there.

Here's to the husbands out there :)

Cultural sensitivity and prejudice - skin color

What is beauty? What do we teach our children about true beauty if we are very focused on our "outsides"? Being a freckled mostly Finnish background female, I've had light skin and a lot of external pressure in my teen years to "be darker" - but with freckles, I really just burn. I tried the cancer beds a few times as a teen, but that phase didn't last long. I now realize the dangers of tanning beds and wouldn't touch one with a 50 foot pole! I also try to stay out of the sun, not to prevent darkening or even wrinkles, but for health. I try to get some sun for Vitamin D, but I use mostly barrier sunblocks rather than chemical ones for health reasons.

Skin tone and beauty

$3 for lighter skin?

On the other hand, we have people with dark skin who want to be lighter. It is a similar complex perhaps. For some with light skin, the quest to have a smooth tan is desired - hence the tanning beds, spray tans and creams available. In a search of the internet, I did not come across many of these specifically "designed" for teens, and in many states use of tanning beds for those under 18 without parental permission is forbidden.

At a recent stop by our local Asian market, I was appalled to find skin lightening cream specifically marketed for teenagers. What are we telling our young ones when we tell them that who they are naturally, something they have no control over, is not good enough? Who is buying this product? Like tanning products, do teens with darker skin (this was an Indian aisle) get the ideas from their friends and media? Do parents do the skin lightening so the children want it... but what... they are asked to wait until teens to begin the bleaching process? Not only are there the products shown in the picture I snapped, they also have one for men.

What are we teaching our kids regarding tolerance?

Why can't we be happy in our own skin, especially with things that we have no control over naturally? I may be able to control a good part of my weight, but my skin color is ME, it is who I am. It is in my DNA. Education level for those of us in the West is almost entirely "up to us" (with the right support for the most part, overcoming adversity is not easy, even in the good-ol' US of A), but our pigmentation is passed to us by those who most likely struggled, overcame and gave so that we could be who we are today. If we want to change something so basic as skin color, what does that say to our ancestors? At what point will we be able to get past the superficiality of this and look past whether someone is "wheathish" or not? The matrimonials in South Asian ads (both print and online) almost always discuss skin color. Since it is still not taboo entirely to discuss someone's caste (another thing that someone has no control over), it may be even longer for families to stop pressuring children and each other regarding their skin tone.

Hopefully one day, at least on that commune I hope to have (ha!), we can be comfortable with just who we are and not surround our children with undo pressure on something they are entirely born, created and MADE to be!

Save money by breastfeeding - or the costs of formula

It is known that a family who has to pay for formula is more likely to breastfeed. However, programs like WIC, tend to make families who may otherwise breastfeed do not because they do not have to pay for the majority of formula. “For mothers of infants 6 months of age, WIC status was the strongest determinant of breastfeeding: mothers who were not enrolled in the WIC program were more than twice as likely to breastfeed at 6 months of age than mothers who participated in the WIC program.” Luckily many WIC programs are increasing breastfeeding support. (1)

The cost of formula per day averages around $4, for “on sale” formula and 28 ounces per day, not including wastage.

The cost of WIC programs is high. 

For low and middle income families, the government assists in ensuring basic nutrition. For non-breastfed babies up to age 4 months, 806 ounces of formula is given to the family to purchase with coupons. For ages 4 and 5 months, 884 ounces of breastmilk substitute is given. At 6 months solids are introduced as well as 624 ounces of formula. While prices are negotiated with one “vendor” by each granting authority/state, the price is still absolutely astounding. Yes, I believe nutrition is important, but WOW, billions for WIC programs each year for formula when breastmilk is free and training more peer counselors and training of medical staff can go a long way!

Cost of formula due to medical costs associated with not breastfeeding:

RESULTS: If 90% of US families could comply with medical recommendations to breastfeed exclusively for 6 months, the United States would save $13 billion per year and prevent an excess 911 deaths, nearly all of which would be in infants ($10.5 billion and 741 deaths at 80% compliance). (2)

This also doesn’t calculate the cost of lost wages and or lost productivity at work due to illnesses that are due to not breastfeeding.

Sources:

(1)    http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/117/4/1136

(2)    http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/125/5/e1048.full?sid=2f5be91e-86af-4327-b24d-60d37cd82ce7

Who Breastfeeds? Which ethnic group breastfeeds most?

Who Breastfeeds?

Many women consider breastfeeding, but not all moms do breastfeed. Breastfeeding is great for bonding, nutrition and overall health. It is however, not something as wide-spread in the US, as the Healthy "goals' of 2010 had hoped. In fact the US was no where close to hitting that goal. But, there are some statistical groups that do breastfeed more than others. Hispanics more than anyone else. But of course, non-Hispanic babies also benefit from breastmilk!

Who is getting only human milk?

Only 10.7 babies are exclusively breasted in the US at least 3 months, and only 6.1 percent make the 6 months exclusive breastfeeding that is recommended by AAP.  Is early supplementation a reason for early weaning and non-continuation of breastfeeding?

Why aren't more moms breastfeeding?

According to the Journal of Human Lactation,

“In-hospital formula supplementation of breastfed infants negatively impacts breastfeeding duration. Infants from low-income families have some of the lowest exclusive breastfeeding rates in the United States. The objectives of this study were to identify (1) reasons low-income breastfeeding mothers begin in-hospital formula supplementation and (2) risk factors for in-hospital formula supplementation. We surveyed 150 low-income mothers in a Washington, DC, clinic. Sixty percent had initiated breastfeeding, and 78% of these breastfed infants received formula supplementation in the hospital. There was no clear medical need for supplementation for 87% of the breastfed infants receiving supplementation. Infants of mothers who did not attend a prenatal breastfeeding class were almost 5 times more likely to receive in-hospital formula supplementation than those infants whose mothers had attended a class (OR, 4.7; 95% CI, 1.05-21.14). Improved knowledge about breastfeeding among nursing and medical providers is important to minimize unnecessary formula supplementation for breastfed infants.”

Again, I’m not indicating you have to breastfeed, but medical professionals who aren’t knowledgeable about breastfeeding definitely are a reason for increased cost to families and society. I know when my daughter was born a nurse (who wasn't the one lacatation consultant on staff at that hospital) basically told me right nipple was useless and it was inverted. It wasn't until I was pregnant with my second kid that I found out it wasn't inverted. I did nurse on that side, but I had assumed that whole time that my right boob had something wrong with it!!

Further, there are economic reasons TO breastfeed, thus those who are low/middle income would probably breastfeed more.. but that is not the case. In fact Ww know that families who have WIC tend to breastfeed less, but that number is slowly changing as more local WIC offices are employing breastfeeding peer counselors and securing more real food for families who choose to breastfeed, since real food costs less, perhaps the over $1,963,291,673 spent would be less if we had increased breastfeeding. Of course nutrition is important, but seeing that breast milk is a lot cheaper, increasing rates among the low and middle-income individuals would be better for health and for tax payers.

 It is also good to see breastfeeding rates increasing in the US, but this says nothing for the impact on shady marketing tactics in places such as China and Brazil by companies such as Nestle. 

For clarification purposes, how you feed your baby is up to you. For us, we recognize the benefits of breastfeeding and feel that families should choose breastfeeding as a first option, then pumped breastmilk, followed by formula. This is what AAP recommends as well as WHO.

Mixed Folks - Bill of Rights

People from India have been considered just about every race, and race really shouldn't matter in many aspects of life, but heritage is important. When a person is of mixed race, there often becomes a "third" culture that happens. This post found on Mixed Folks.com, is great.

Bill of Rights for Racially Mixed People

By Maria P.P. Root

 

I HAVE THE RIGHT... -Not to justify my existence in this world. -Not to keep the races separate within me. -Not to be responsible for people's discomfort with my physical ambiguity. -Not to justify my ethnic legitimacy. I HAVE THE RIGHT... -To identify myself differently than strangers expect me to identify. -To identify myself differently from how my parents identify me. -To identify myself differently from my brothers and sisters. -To identify myself differently in different situations. I HAVE THE RIGHT... -To create a vocabulary to communicate about being multiracial. -To change my identity over my lifetime -- and more than once. -To have loyalties and identification with more than one group of people. -To freely choose whom I befriend and love

Maria P. P. Root, PhD, is author of
The Multiracial Experience: Racial Borders as the New Frontier

which you can purchase through Interracial Voice and Amazon.com

Attention Mommy Bloggers: I am not mommy enough blog hop

In regard to Time's cover article, "Are you Mom Enough," this blog hop is an attempt to take down walls between moms. Yes, I breastfeed my 4 year old AND 2 year old. No, I did not intend to do it going in... and in fact, I do not expect anyone else to do the same. What we do need is more support among moms. Moms who do their research and figure out what works well for their family (including baby's needs too!) have it hard enough. As a very trying to be attached mom.. I don't NEED to be mom enough! I just need to be able to parent as best as I can without media sensationalizing something natural!

So I am not mommy enough. Are you?

So, if you ARE NOT Mommy Enough, Join this Blog Hop for Saturday, May 11, 2012... and then, on Mother's day (here in the US), the 13th, let's all come together, smile at each other. Whether it is a mom struggling at the store to keep the bottle of Five Hour Energy from their 2 year old's hands (That was me today, trying to find Time Magazine!) or it is a mom breastfeeding her four year old at the park. Smile and know that we're all in this together. Even if we are choosing different paths.

Blog Hop Rules:

- Mommy Blogs
- Link to a post that includes something POSITIVE about honest parenting
- You can include a post of you breastfeeding your toddler/preschooler/other kiddo.

Click below on the "Click here to enter" to enter your "I am not Mommy Enough" blog to this blog hop. 

Share and show love to your fellow mommy bloggers!

Living and Giving as Parents

What is the long-term life of this girl, walking the
fields in northern India look like?

I recently came across a post by a former co-worker (who happens to be an excellent motivator), that reminded me of the importance that we, as parents, can place on things that really are not important. Romeo’s post, entitled "The little boy with the Orange Water" and how his 4 year old was willing to give up money for a video game so another little boy could have clean water was very moving.

How can parents teach giving if they don't give themselves?

While we prepare for a rummage sale we have talked about giving up some toys that we may not use so we can pay for a waterslide that we found on Craigslist. But really, is that equation really enough? What am I teaching besides the importance of not having too much stuff? Yes it is better than just indulging and giving everything a 4 year old could want (and that is a heck of a lot), but really… the whole “first world problem” comes into play here. How do I, as a parent who wants to instill a sense of interconnectedness and giving do that without exposing too much horrors of the world? Or, am I doing a disservice and sheltering when, instead, I could be teaching?

What does education mean to the
school girls in this picture?

Back to Romeo’s post – it was so moving that I’ve decided that even though my 4 year old’s subtraction skills aren’t entirely to a point where she can understand saving and giving, I want to start having her look at money differently. Before she was born I read an idea (no idea where!) and came up with a plan for allowance. We’ve yet to fully decide if we’ll do any ‘take away’ for not putting away her toys (so far I’m against it, but not entirely), but I do want her to see the value of money.  The allowance plan goes like this. For my 4 year old, she gets $4 every week. With that $4, she has to save $2, give $1 and she can spend $1. She understands how the money can add up, and some basic subtraction, but I want her to understand the importance of other people and the importance of giving. 

We can’t just do a second glance when we someone in need. We need to look and see what our soul is telling us and driving us. For what are we yearning? What truly matters? I hear a lot about saving for retirement, but I hear less about saving the world for one person. If I donate $30 a month so a child can go to school and have fresh water, isn’t that more important than me having a middle class life 30 years from now when I retire?

 Now, I'm not saying that we need to just give all the time without second glance. Many programs out there are more enablers than problem solvers, but when basics needs aren't being met (education, sanitation, food), the story is much different. 

Money may make people more comfortable, but it doesn’t give you happiness. I’ve had a “host pack” delivered from House Party for “Because I am a Girl” from Plan International.  I also recently stopped my giving to SOS Children’s Villages, and I really think it is time for me re-think my stopping and start up again.  As cliché as it sounds, when we give we receive so much more back.  Knowing that you’re helping someone else with a hand up in life not only helps their community, it creates a safer, more loving world.

Choose to be a parent, or don't have kids

Recently I've been reminded of the thought of "choosing" to be a parent in a few ways. First, my lovely college friends came to visit and they're all sans-kids. Second, there's been discussion in online forums I'm in regarding the obligatory kids. Finally, there's a post going around about the people who should have fish instead of kids.

With the college friends the thoughts/discussion wasn't directly related to parenting, but there was discussion at points about who is pregnant or trying. My thought on the topic is it is best not to ask a married couple. If someone doesn't volunteer to tell me they're trying or pregnant, it is for a reason. Either they're not close to me or they aren't interested in being parents.

I say "interested in being parents" because I believe there's a huge difference between having kids and being parents. 

So we've hit our 30s and my kid-less friends may have the biological clock alarm going off in their mind/body/spirit. Heck they may even be ovulating triple time. Who knows. Anyway, if a person doesn't want to be a parent, that is fine! They don't need to have kids. But they need to check where they are - what are their fears in becoming a parent? What are their fears of not ever being called "mommy." Look at what you'll enjoy and regret and see if you are okay to make that next step. Unfortunately for women, you can't always just do it later.

The other topic came from the idea that there is familial (and societal) pressure to have kids. We don't have pressure to become parents, we have pressure to have kids. Whether it is to carry on the family name or to give the (grand)parents a reason to come visit, many married couples (and single women definitely as well) get the pressure to procreate. BUT that pressure doesn't come with a warning that having kids means being a parent and gosh-darn-it things change. Who has these obligatory kids? Many couples. College. Check. Married. Check. Kids... um... check?

Think before you have kids.

Finally, there's a post going around social media about the mom who tells the other moms to have a dog, no wait, a fish instead.

Yes, parenting changes you. No, we don't all want to do things the same way. Yes, there may be different ways. No, there aren't guarantees that any one "method" will work. BUT, the fact remains, I think many of the people who have kids but aren't interested in being parents do find their kids to be an inconvenience. 

I mean, heck. I willingly CHOSE to be a parent, and yes I can't do all the things I did before, BUT, there's a difference between being inconvenienced and morphing with the changes that have happened in your life.

If you find yourself with pressure to have kids, ask yourself. Do you want kids or do you want to be a parent? If your parents or in-laws are asking why you aren't pregnant yet, tell them the truth: You're not ready to be a parent, You're trying but things aren't working or you just don't plan to be a parent. It is no longer about you when you become a parent and really, some of us aren't ready for that transition.

There are plenty of reasons to want to be a parent. Kids can be a lot of joy! But, really... don't have kids to just have them raised by someone else because you're told that some relative needs you to have kids. If you think you want kids and you want to be a parent... be willing to let go of some of your "old" life. Becoming a parent changes you... and it is okay to have that change.

Real Diaper Week - Friday

Earth Day is Sunday and all week posts around the blogosphere have focused on ways to lessen the impact we have on the Earth.

Today consider what you can do to make less trash. Does it mean, buying a refillable starbucks cup and using that rather than the paper ones? Does it mean using reusable plates at your next party at home? Does it mean switching to a DivaCup rather than using tampons? Does it mean travelling with cloth diapers, even though you may *think* it is easier to use disposables?

What does less mean to you?

Just a reminder of my plastic bag issue...

Attached Parents Care about the Earth

With Earth Day coming up on Sunday, many people are making a conscious effort to cut back on waste or perhaps volunteer to clean up a park. But, living with the Earth is a day-to-day activity - it IS life.

When we think of how we can change the earth, we need to actually change how we think. We need to instead think of how we can keep the earth as-is. That "as-is" condition may not be great when you're buying second hand (which, of course is GREAT for the Earth), but when we continue to modify the Earth, we have to realize there are long-term consequences.

A few thoughts:
- plant a tree that is natural to the area
- stop using Round-Up and pull weeds instead
- Plant organic and heirloom seeds in your back yard or patio
- fight against GMOs
- support local businesses and CSAs.
- take a walk at night when your child is having difficulties sleeping - fresh air is great for the lungs and MUCH better than a drive (and carseat-time for infants should be minimized)
- buy used
- buy organic
- breastfeed
- eat vegetarian more often

And just BE!

CDC or WHO Growth Scales - Watch your baby not the scale

Watch your baby, not the scale
Watch your baby, not other babies
Watch your baby, not some blog :)

Really moms, please know that every baby is different. If you are worried about your baby's development, than likely most of this post doesn't apply to you. But for most of us, our babies are all individually developing on their own scale and to think of percentiles too much, especially when most pediatricians are using the extremely out-dated and (especially for breastfed babies) irrelevant scales created by the CDC.

My two "underweight" kids. Both thriving. Both breastfed. Both born of a short mom and a thin dad of East Asian descent. Because you know... genetics matter....

Why is this? Perhaps because even the CDC recommends using the WHO forms. They recommend this update because:

"Healthy breastfed infants typically gain weight faster than formula-fed infants in the first few months of life but then gain weight more slowly for the remainder of infancy (25,26). Therefore, in the first few months of life, WHO curves show a faster rate of weight gain than the CDC charts for boys and girls (Figures 2 and 3). Use of the WHO charts in the United States might lead to an increase in the misperception of poor growth at this age." (CDC)

So basically today's overweight (mostly) white Americans adults were the formula (fattened) babies we are comparing our (increasingly) breastfed babies, many of whom aren't white.


Simplified their reasoning includes:

• The WHO standards establish growth of the breastfed infant as the norm for growth.
  Breastfeeding is the recommended standard for infant feeding. The WHO charts reflect growth patterns among children who were predominantly breastfed for at least 4 months and still breastfeeding at 12 months.
• The WHO standards provide a better description of physiological growth in infancy.
  Clinicians often use the CDC growth charts as standards on how young children should grow. However the CDC growth charts are references; they identify how typical children in the US did grow during a specific time period. Typical growth patterns may not be ideal growth patterns. The WHO growth charts are standards; they identify how children should grow when provided optimal conditions.
• The WHO standards are based on a high-quality study designed explicitly for creating growth charts.
  The WHO standards were constructed using longitudinal length and weight data measured at frequent intervals. For the CDC growth charts, weight data were not available between birth and 3 months of age and the sample sizes were small for sex and age groups during the first 6 months of age.

From the CDC: "The curves were anchored at birth using national birth weight data obtained from U.S. birth certificates from 1968--1980 and 1985--1994 and birth length data from Wisconsin and Missouri birth certificates (the only states with these data available on birth certificates) from 1989--1995"

Further, the WHO uses more standard deviations of normal/average. Thus, they have a line for 3 percent and 97 percent... rather than just "below 5th" percentile.

Next time you visit your pediatrician, ask if they're using the CDC or WHO scale for your breastfed baby. If they're using CDC, ask them why they haven't updated to what is relevant to your baby.

And if you are breastfeeding and your baby is thriving and keeping on a decent growth path (not crossing "two lines" on the correct scale... and your pediatrician asks you to supplement (or stop breastfeeding) ask these questions:

• If my child was at the 95th (90th, basically opposite of the percentile they're indicating) would you recommend I put my infant on a diet?
• Can I weigh baby pre and post feeding to see how much baby is getting?
• (Especially in young babies) Can you check my baby for a tongue tie?
• What percent of infants are breastfed to 6 and 12 months here (American Academy of Pediatrics recommendation)? 24 months (WHO recommendation)?
• Do you mind if I breastfeed here?
• Is there a reason you don't have a breastfeeding-friendly waiting area with an area for moms to breastfeed?
• Do you enjoy causing mommy guilt and paranoia?

For the WHO and CDC growth charts directly, click here.

For free breastfeeding support, advice and possibly great friendships, find your local Le Leche League.

Women need support in breastfeeding, not criticism of what isn't working. Find that help and get to where you need to be so that you're comfortable with where you are in you and your baby/toddler/child's relationship.

Have confidence! According to a study in Sweden, 99 percent of women can successfully breastfeed. There are some medical conditions that can affect you, but reach out for support and know that you can give the wonderful gift of human milk to your baby/infant/toddler.


CDC= Centers for Disease Control
WHO= World Health Organization

 The Baby Book: 
 

The Darndest Things

Of course kids say just the greatest things! Well now I know that our daughter hears us... not sure about the listening, but here's a good one: Hubby: Yes! I finally solved this problem. (To 4 year old daughter) Your daddy's smart! 4 year old: But how can you be smart daddy? Hubby: What do you mean? 4 year old: You watch so much tv, your brain must be mush! Oh my... 4 year old loves watching tv and we try to minimize it. She knows to ask if something is violent or not. She knows that Sponge Bob is not allowed and it makes your brain smaller (or so we have her believing) and that too much tv makes you forget how to think and your brain turns to mush. Not sure how else to explain it... but she's listening :)

Just when you thought you had it covered...

Something new comes into this realm of parenting. It may be

a holiday

It may not.

It may be a developmental milestone...

or it may not.

It may be the loss of a pet.

It may not.

It may be a vacation.

It may not (what is a vacation anyway?)

It may be a lack of carrots.

It may not.

Sometimes we may not know WHAT IT IS.

We don't have to know what is going on, but getting to the root of a disruption, you can have smooth sailing until the next big thing happens. Some things really are developmental. Sometimes it does take a long time for that tooth to finally come through (and the next, and the next...)

Sometimes transitions to a new environment seem to take forever and we have to second guess ourselves again and again. It doesn't mean things aren't okay. It doesn't mean that things are - but worrying means you care. Not worrying can mean you have confidence that even if things don't work out, you are flexible enough to try something new.

Parenting isn't easy. No one said it would be. It is okay to not have the answer. It is more than okay to say "I need help." But, like we tell our toddlers. Use your words. Reach out. Find your group of like-minded mamas. Trust your gut. Listen to your children. Keep smiling when they walk in the room. And know that another something will come up and you'll need to reset. You'll need to rediscover. You'll find a way to get it covered...

Or it may not get covered: but you are there for your kids, are finding the best with what you have at that point and you are keep on, keeping on!

Creative children.... culture and crafts

How do you encourage a creative, artistic spirit in your baby, toddler or young child?

To encourage creativity in my toddler, I started from birth with encouraging and allowing her to be herself. This meant small things like not saying "Big girls don't cry" or "Oh stop crying" - instead, I've always tried to encourage emotions by saying things like, "Oh honey, I see you're crying, are you sad? What can mama do to help?" Until she had words, I would "give her" words by answering the question back.

Now that she is older, we have a variety of craft materials, dress up supplies and music available for her to enjoy. We also have things that are from various parts of the world so that she isn't just seeing things that "I" know. Further, we've decided that limiting television and mass media will only help our children. This way her decision are hers and not some character's. We now have a 5 month old as well and keeping him out of the capture of media as well, so our daughter's television time (which we try to limit to 30 minutes each day) doesn't include the typical Dora or Minnie Mouse. Children are so impressionable! It is important that we are aware of what goes into our children - we watch their food intake, but sometimes we forget that television, books, in-person marketing also gets inside our children and can have lasting impressions.

We encourage fun play, interaction without hovering and tons of cultural activities, like museums, cross cultural activities and hugs! By exposing art, not just traditional media, we can help grow their minds and expand horizons. Art isn't just a craft box, it is taking in, touching, feeling and BEING a part of this bigger world.

As parents, we feel that by giving choices, allowing creativity and being child-led without an authoritative-type parenting, we can hope that moving forward and as our children grow up both of our children will be able to make decisions and enjoy life to the fullest, with little of "us" inhibiting them, except in instances of true safety concerns.