You can lead a preschooler to gymnastics class...

This is a post that is meant to remind me that sometimes, okay maybe a lot of the time (and sometimes it sure the heck seems like ALL the time), I will feel a bit disappointed as a parent. For me, the big thing is to remind myself that it isn't my 4 year old's fault that she gets shy. I think sometimes she does play it up... but really, the situation was horrid, I was embarrassed and life will go on. It isn't necessarily even the shy factor, but sometimes when a 4 year old is the "big" kid, it is hard to not expect more from them than perhaps we would if they were the "baby" or "only."

So what's the situation? Last year my daughter was in dance (and the year before), but our au pair (and me when I was able to sneak over to her class) had a hard time keeping my son out of my daughter's dance class. They often had to go to another studio room for him to play, since the observation room needed more silence than a 1.5 year old could give. Anyway, so what do I do? I sign him up for dance class. It is creative movement and targeted for 2-3 year olds and he's right in the middle of the age group of his small class of around 4 students.

What happens?

Last week he decided he didn't want to go... even with my daughter there. She went in his place and he and I waited outside with me. After class the very lovely and vibrant teacher came out and he ran to her and gave her a big hug.

Sorry dude, what the heck was that?!

He flirts with her like a 2 year old boy does... and agrees with her that he'll dance next week.

So the night before class this week I remind him of dance class and laugh with him and we joke (the way a 2 year old with an awesome sense of humor does) and he says he'll dance in class... I cross my fingers, say a little prayer and know it is unlikely but I have hope!

We get to class a few minutes early this week and I'm telling him we're going to dance, I attempt to bribe him (something I hate to do for something so inconsequential EXCEPT for the fact that the class is paid for!) but he says "ok, no shut the door mama" so that's at least progress, right?

We get in class, he helps set up the mats and he's having fun... until the other kids come in. He chases me toward the door, so I run the other way to the back of the studio, which forces him to go past the teacher who grabs him and tickles him. He laughs, but then looks at me and knows what's up. He has us figured out. UGH. He picks out a pom-pom and decides which color the teacher will have and I attempt to slip out. He notices and starts crying. The music starts and he's with the teacher dancing. He stops crying for a bit when another kid is doing things she's not supposed to be doing, but then realizes he was crying so he starts up again. Finally the teacher brings him out and we end the class. Ugh. Fail.

We leave and luckily they're awesome and understand when I drop the class and we at least get a credit toward my daughter's classes.

Afterward my daughter and I head to a trial gymnastics class. My 4 year old loved gymnastics, especially rhythmic gymnastics. Since, as mentioned before, she's been doing dance for 2.5 years and a few rec center tumbling courses, when she asked for "real" gymnastics classes (it HAS to have the high bars!), I agreed to find some trial classes. I found one and actually in my message asked for an early afternoon course, preferably 3 pm... They had a 4 pm class and I figured we could make that work.

It didn't. We got there, I signed the waiver and she wouldn't go in. I showed her from where I'd be watching.  It had a "sibling" area with movies and a play area. She preferred that but unfortunately I wasn't willing to compromise to say that was an acceptable alternative. So, I pointed out the high bars. Nope. First off, the high bars weren't high (they were low for smaller kids...) and the kids probably already made friends. I swear, sometimes, as a parent you can't win. I feel like I'm in the dark gloomy pages of Dr Seuss' Oh, the Places You'll Go!

But it isn't about winning or losing or anything of the sort. It is one single moment in the limited time we have here together. This moment will pass and what impression am I leaving on my daughter with how I reach? I have to remember these things and remember that how I prepare myself is just as important as the attempt to "hype" before hand. And, if I have to hype too much, perhaps it isn't something the kiddo really even wants to do!

I have to remember that even if we didn't make it in, we can learn something from today. Both of us.  For me, it is about (the attempt) to expose her to more and then afterward, not taking it too hard when things don't go as planned. Luckily I didn't pay for this class, though we did use some extra gas, we were able to get other errands done sooner. She didn't get any toys or prizes when we stopped at Toys R Us to pick up the batteries we got on "steal of a deal" with the $5 off $5 coupon, but we agreed that she'll try again for "real" gymnastics when she's 5.

I realize I really want her to have some experiences I didn't really have, but she's 4. She's a bit shy and even 4 pm is hard for her - too late in the day to be in the car for 20 minutes and not almost fall asleep. So, I can lead a preschooler to gymnastics class, but I need to follow her lead and realize her 5 half days of Montessori and dance is probably enough for her right now. Especially after a summer filled with relaxation, except for swimming, where we had similar situations with not wanting to jump right in :)

Organizing your kids, um... stuff

There are a variety of methods to organizing your kids stuff.

I know many of us start with a simple room. I know I started with a simple crib, no real toys (I had read, Buy, Buy Baby during pregnancy)... and then guess what. We have an explosion and two kids later, the crib was only used as a bed... 4 years later!

We now do our best to utilize bins and now my goal is to keep everything in the CORRECT bins. I attempted to use the high/scope idea - group in areas (reading/pretend play/building, etc) and then label with a picture and the words.




A walk around the formal living/dining. I mean, play area.









 


If we have this extremely unorganized attempt for craft supplies...



Why do we have this?
 

 

How do you keep your kid's space organized? What tools do you use to encourage proper use/storage of the toys? Our goal is to have intrinsic motivation and our 4 year old is getting used to an item being lost meaning she needs to find it or go without. We can help remind her to put things away properly, but she's beginning to get old enough to understand that she has to take pride in what is hers. If we only pick up after her and spend 45 minutes finding one piece of a set after she didn't put it away, we're only encouraging her to not put things away. The natural consequence to leaving something out is that it would get lost. Or, if it is in the way of another family member, we can bring it to their attention or we can take care of it, perhaps by it being put away for a while, especially if someone was hurt by it.

But the point is to find something that works for you and your family. Something that shows respect to the kids and also so they can learn respect of the items AND your home.

Living and Giving as Parents

What is the long-term life of this girl, walking the
fields in northern India look like?

I recently came across a post by a former co-worker (who happens to be an excellent motivator), that reminded me of the importance that we, as parents, can place on things that really are not important. Romeo’s post, entitled "The little boy with the Orange Water" and how his 4 year old was willing to give up money for a video game so another little boy could have clean water was very moving.

How can parents teach giving if they don't give themselves?

While we prepare for a rummage sale we have talked about giving up some toys that we may not use so we can pay for a waterslide that we found on Craigslist. But really, is that equation really enough? What am I teaching besides the importance of not having too much stuff? Yes it is better than just indulging and giving everything a 4 year old could want (and that is a heck of a lot), but really… the whole “first world problem” comes into play here. How do I, as a parent who wants to instill a sense of interconnectedness and giving do that without exposing too much horrors of the world? Or, am I doing a disservice and sheltering when, instead, I could be teaching?

What does education mean to the
school girls in this picture?

Back to Romeo’s post – it was so moving that I’ve decided that even though my 4 year old’s subtraction skills aren’t entirely to a point where she can understand saving and giving, I want to start having her look at money differently. Before she was born I read an idea (no idea where!) and came up with a plan for allowance. We’ve yet to fully decide if we’ll do any ‘take away’ for not putting away her toys (so far I’m against it, but not entirely), but I do want her to see the value of money.  The allowance plan goes like this. For my 4 year old, she gets $4 every week. With that $4, she has to save $2, give $1 and she can spend $1. She understands how the money can add up, and some basic subtraction, but I want her to understand the importance of other people and the importance of giving. 

We can’t just do a second glance when we someone in need. We need to look and see what our soul is telling us and driving us. For what are we yearning? What truly matters? I hear a lot about saving for retirement, but I hear less about saving the world for one person. If I donate $30 a month so a child can go to school and have fresh water, isn’t that more important than me having a middle class life 30 years from now when I retire?

 Now, I'm not saying that we need to just give all the time without second glance. Many programs out there are more enablers than problem solvers, but when basics needs aren't being met (education, sanitation, food), the story is much different. 

Money may make people more comfortable, but it doesn’t give you happiness. I’ve had a “host pack” delivered from House Party for “Because I am a Girl” from Plan International.  I also recently stopped my giving to SOS Children’s Villages, and I really think it is time for me re-think my stopping and start up again.  As cliché as it sounds, when we give we receive so much more back.  Knowing that you’re helping someone else with a hand up in life not only helps their community, it creates a safer, more loving world.

A family garden - A desert experiment

This year I plan to really buckle down and do a garden. Since it is January in Phoenix... we might as well get started. This weekend's goal is to get some material to create a raised bed garden. This past year (and the fall prior) we tried doing in ground with a mix of compost and it just really doesn't work. We get chilis to grow and a half a tomato and that is it!

For those in a similar situation... here're some recommendations for February.

So how does gardening come into this blog? I really feel that this can be a family event. Most Montessori schools have their 3 year olds working the garden and V really loves watching the plants grow (but not flower!) in our garden... so I hope by paying a bit more attention and being more diligent in watching the calendar (I also have a GREAT book by "The Garden Guy" link below)... we can actually grow some of our own food this year!

Overindulgent parenting

Many people seem to believe that being an attached parent means giving into your child's every whim. This is not the case, but all parents, even attached ones, can cross the line into being over indulent.




There are lessons to be learned in wanting your child to have access to many of the world's finer things and knowing that there is a lesson in teaching a child to save, by tracking your expenses and saving up for items, even if you have the means to purchase the items.



I, for one, know that I can do better with not buying "because I like it and I can" syndrome. How about you?