Striving for better, not perfection as a parent

As a parent, we start each day, often earlier than originally planned, but each day can be better.

I know that I feel like I'm never at my best, but I can strive for better.

I can know better and then do better.

I know I often hear that knowing better only causes guilt. Does this mean we should fail to recognize our room for growth and instead just "be" and never know how much better we could have been?

If a friend said they were just dong "okay," do we just pretend that's fine or do we ask what we can do or give them a hug? 

If we're just barely making it financially, we can just pretend that's fine but it is better for all around if we can remove barriers (expenses) or increase what we have coming in (income)?

Parenting is the same. We have struggles. We have days when we don't know how we did or how we'll do it tomorrow, but we can give those hugs when times are tough, remove barriers to a more smooth day (such as unnecessary "no" answers) and increase those things that help things go smoother (giving more time to get somewhere, for example). 

So tomorrow, or if it is still night time and your little one wakes up for the 12th time, give them a hug, help them back to bed and in the morning... remove the barriers to better by learning what works for you and your kiddos! Then, recharge yourself with something to relax so that the next day, you may just have that much more ability to strive to be that better parent you want to be. 

Don't be afraid to learn that what you previously thought may not be best. It was what you did when you didn't know better. We all face this and we only grow if we're willing to accept where we were, strive for better and be at peace with the past. 

Night weaning - 17 days in for gently toddler night weaning

Night weaning a two year old? How hard can it be? If you're new here, start at night number one of night weaning, gently.

It was a decision we teetered on for a while before we determined that yes, it was time to finally night wean our newly minted two year old. I'm a working mom, attached as I can be, with a bit of a yell that I'm trying to lose... but we do the best we can with what we have at the time, right? I know that a bit more sleep will help us both, but we're still struggling to get my son to bed at a decent time (ie, before 10) on a consistent basis.

Night 17 was Father's Day. We had let Daddy sleep in this morning, though sleeping in for a 2 year old seems to be 6:30 am! Since we had plans for music at the Railroad Park in the evening (which ends at 9 pm), we'd assumed our son would fall asleep on the way home, and from there we could transition him into the toddler bed and he'd sleep there until morning. We all dream right? Well, it worked mostly well, so it was a good thing we brought along our tooth brushes. Kids were asleep on the drive home, our toddler slept in his bed (in our room), our 4 year old slept in her room. I slept in our room and life was good.

Until 3 am when my son woke up. I'm starting to see a pattern, aren't you?

What I'm also seeing is that my son is generally having to go bathroom at the same time. We're in the dry desert - I drink water at night, so I know he's thirsty too, so cutting bedtime nursing makes him thirsty and I refuse to cut water before bed time...

So let's see what we can do. The big thing is, my son woke this night and wanted to go outside - apparently he was remembering early night weaning days. I'm not ready for that! Eek! Anyway, he was able to get back to bed without nursing, though he did ask. However, he was satisfied with some water and was able to snuggle and head back to bed. My daughter also woke up, but she woke up due to cold. It is hot in the desert and to save on energy we tend to keep the house cooler in the early morning so that the AC doesn't run all day long. However, cool to us is approximately 78* - yeah not that cool, but it works for us and it keeps our electric bill low. With solar, we just pay "billing" each month through the summer, so we can't complain, right :)

Anyway, we're working on what will work best for our family through this time. Hopefully we can figure it out!

Night 16 of night weaning a toddler, gently

We're over the "hump" and it has been a few nights since we've had issues with night nursing, but we still have the issue of my son avoiding sleep at a some-what decent hour. I'd love to be a radical unschooling family, but that just doesn't work for us.

If you're here for the first time, start at night one of gently night weaning a two year old.

I had hoped to see some friends after a week without my husband's help to hopefully unwind (after all, attached moms need MNO as well!). But it just didn't come to fruition. My husband was still sporting his residual illness so we headed out for chinese - he had soup and I had something with mango. Either way, we made it back home around 9 pm, and the stroller was gone (Yes, I'm anti stroller for newborns, but our au pair is great with night time walks for the kids) which meant our kids were with our au pair to probably go on what my son likes to call a 'train ride.'

She arrived back with TWO sleeping kids. YAY! My son was asleep at a decent hour!

We were able to get to bed early as well though my son took over my spot in the bed instead of his bed, and it was musical beds at 3 am, but night nursing didn't happen.

Could this be it? How long do we have to not night nurse to call it officially night weaned?

On to night 17.

Night 15 of Gently Night weaning a toddler

And here we are... my lovely husband is back from his work trip, I nursed the toddler accidentally at night and we have to see... are we starting over, or can we all just pretend it didn't happen?

If you're new to this series, start at night one.

Here's the bigger situation... my husband came back with the nasty cold that got me earlier in the week, which meant, he came home wanting to sleep... and I wanted help putting the kids to bed. Guess who won? Hint: it wasn't me!

But, our 4 year old went down pretty easily, but like the other nights, the 2 year old decided it was play time until after 10 pm. When he finally went to sleep, I nursed him down then put him into the toddler bed. I then went into our daughter's room.

Come 3 am... It was musical bed time. However, 2 year old went back to sleep without nursing! He asked, but he didn't nurse and it wasn't much complaining. Really a minute, maybe two of back patting and he was back to sleep until morning!

On to night sixteen!

Parenting is as easy as riding a bike

So we're 2.5 weeks in to night weaning our two year old and I'm wondering... is it easy to do?

I'd say no. It doesn't have to be done. There's no medical authority out there saying "you must night wean" - but we all know that a happy mama is a better mama. Mama isn't all that matters, but balance in the family is better than an over indulgent parent who self-sacrifices beyond belief.

This isn't a post that tells you how night X was of night weaning. Instead, it is a post reminding us all to be gentle with ourselves and to find that parenting groove that allows us to connect with our kiddos.

When I'm gentle, loving and mindful of ME, I'm a much better mama. Whether it is a water aerobics class, a moms night out or a pedicure, mamas, be loving to yourself.

Know your limits.

Get to know your needs.




An attached mama is already hard enough on herself without being stressed and forgetful of her own needs. It doesn't mean, spending every night away from your kids, weaning your 4 month old or sleep training an infant.

Baby's needs have to come first early on. Baby's are helpless and need mama (and daddy too). If you're thinking of getting pregnant and then let your baby cry it out every night or hire a $25 sleep trainer, you need to consider getting a dog instead. Of course my animal lovers and vegan friends may even have you reconsider that thought as well... but the fact is babies NEED mama. When babies begin to be toddlers, then start to get more for yourself. Don't forget who you are.
Don't forget to ALLOW parenthood to change you.

You're more than mommy, but you're not less of a woman. Allow parenthood to be part of your definition. Wear the mommy badge with pride.

Parenting has a huge learning curve - you need to learn it. Perhaps you need some training wheels - that's your mama support group - your "hype" group. Those people who help you get through the difficult times. The ones who help you meet your goals (not the ones who tell you it is okay to give up, because you CHOSE to be a parent afterall!), the ones who stop by with a meal when you're family is all sick. Those are the women you want with you. Find them, branch out. Find some girls you really sync with.

Once you know those training wheels, pass them on down to another mama. Be their support. Teach them to love being a mom.

Reach out, connect and be.

Take off those training wheels and let the wind be in your hair.

Enjoy, relax and find that pace with which you are comfortable.

Uh oh - Night 14 of Gently Night Weaning a 2 year old

We had one night left remaining until my husband would be home and we'd go back to something closer to normalcy. The kids miss daddy and I definitely notice the difference in them while he's gone. Plus, having a partner makes a huge difference! (start at night one if this is your first visit)

As I wrote earlier, my son hasn't been going to sleep very early and I'm exhausted. I hadn't yet put dinner away and got  lucky and our au pair came home and wanted to take a walk. She decided to take my son along - it was around 10 pm. That walk enabled me to put dinner away (and drop a huge package of Smart Balance buttery spread all over), and he fell asleep! WOO!

The sleeping boy - he's been fighting off naps too :) Love his You Tell 'Em shirt. Fitting for his cause :)

After some issues with our cat tonight (being especially nippy and really putting her claws into our furniture), I was really up for being able to relax. I had a few things to get done, including refilling the humidifier, but finally went off to sleep myself. Well that lasted until around 3:30 when suddenly he woke coughing. Tired as I was... I nursed him. UGHHHHH. I made the decision when I realized it to unlatch him. He was NOT happy with that. I tried to gently (and extremely exhausted-ly) remind him that we all needed sleep. After around 5 minutes of patting and cuddling, he went back to sleep. I slipped out of bed to use the restroom and he woke screaming again. The cycle lasted probably another 30 minutes....

Note to self, wear duct tape during the night weaning process. 

Luckily my husband is back and he can help out again... lest I forget we're night weaning!

On to Night fifteen.

Night 12 and 13 of Night weaning a 2 year old, gently

So we're still without parental back up on the night weaning cause (see post one on the topic here). We get most of our night weaning "support" from Dr. Jay Gordon, who indicates daddy (or partner) has to be the person who helps the nursing mama get through this time. Well we had that at first, but the 2 year old is still waking and we don't plan to give up the cause just because life means daddy has to travel.

The fact remains that we're trying to gently night wean our toddler without changing up the family bed dynamics. We do have a toddler bed in the master bedroom and our 4 year old decides on a nightly basis where she's sleeping (generally in her own room)... but we don't want the 2 year old to wake up the 4 year old for obvious reasons.

On night 12, I had both kids in the master bedroom because we were all slightly under the weather. Tylenol and some homeopathic for me, the kids had some Cina for cough and restlessness for the kids as well as a dose of rescue remedy for my daughter who was having some knee pain.

Night 13... my 4 year old fell asleep before 9 pm... but the other kiddo... well... he was wide awake still at 11 pm! I almost took out a video camera for everyone to witness his cuteness. I was too tired though! He kept telling me all the people/things/items in nature who were sleeping... meanwhile not sleeping himself!

At one point, I told him, "buggu, mama is SOOOO sleepy, let's go night-night." HE looked at me, kissed my cheek and said, "ok" - but no luck, he was up for another half hour after that :)

On to night 14!

Night 11 of gently night weaning - all alone

If you're reading this in order, you knew this night was coming. The night when mommy had to do the night weaning alone.

< enter screaming mama, pulling out hair photo here! >

No really, I would be all good with this if we weren't fighting a cold. But having cyclically night weaned my now  4 year old for 2 years due to colds and inability to be consistent (I swear, when ever I whisper night wean, my daughter came down with a cold, maybe there's a pattern here.)

If you're just joining us, start at night one of gently night weaning our toddler.

Night nursing a baby is a part of being a 24 hour parent to me. I really don't feel comfortable with sleep trainers who believe that children and especially babies do not need their moms. In fact, I saw an ad on craigslist recently where a mom claimed "we're not too scheduled but we follow babywise" - um, yeah, hopefully they find a gentle nanny or au pair who can turn that family's tide...

Anyway, can you tell I'm avoiding the topic? Yes, night 11 and I'm to night wean a 2 year old with a cold and keep my 4 year old from waking when the 2 year old wakes at night.

So this evening started out well when my 4 year old said she wanted to sleep alone. WHAT? I didn't even ask that, she just declared she was ready. Okay, we'll go with that one!

Since my 2 year old was having a cold and some congestion, we have the humidifier going. Not sure if I mentioned this earlier, but the humidifier appears to be helpful. I wasn't sure if that would necessarily be enough so I pulled out the basket of homeopathic medicines and decided on Cina, since it is for restless sleep AND colds.

What started out as my 2 year old wanting me to read books upon books and my 4 year old falling asleep after her i-spy search of a book.... 2 year old finally agreed to nurse to sleep - he often likes to nurse to almost asleep then pop awake, re-energized. What, calories in breastmilk may give energy to a toddler you want to sleep? I did not KNOW this going in!

Anyway, once he agreed to try to sleep, I reminded him that "we sleep when the sun sleeps" and that he could have good morning dudh when he saw the sun again. By the way, black out curtains are great for keeping kids asleep a bit longer in the morning.

He finally fell asleep with nursing and decided it was time to do the death grip to my tank top to prevent me from leaving. I tried to remember to enjoy these cuddles and he finally was in a deep sleep, so I slipped out of the room and finished up some blogging and dishes.

I found my way to bed, remembered the humidifier had been on for a while, refilled it, and found the comfort of my pillow.

I was sleeping soundly until my son started coughing around 4 am. I patted him, and instinctively, whipped out the boob... but he just rolled over and went to sleep. WHAT? Did he just refuse night nursing?

Could we actually be night weaned?

I think we may have done it! Now, to get me back to being able to fully sleep.

But knock on wood... night 12 is still to come!

Night 10 of nightweaning, and the cold sets in

Night weaning when your kiddo has a cold is not fun. Small colds is why my daughter, who was originally night weaned during my pregnancy at around 23 months... still night nursed when she turned 4 earlier this year.

If this is your first time hitting this blog, start at night weaning, night one.

So, when my son's cold got worse with a bit of fever, I immediately thought, "OH CRAP, We'll have to do all THIS again!" Why even night wean if it'll just be cyclical? So my husband determined that I'd be with my son and we'll (um, I'll) need to nurse him AND the next day he'd be leaving on a business trip so RE-night weaning would have to wait past the cold.

Ugh.

This is not the reason we night wean. We do not night wean to redo it. We need consistency!

My son nursed to sleep. I cuddled with him, he held tightly to my shirt wrapped his leg around me and wouldn't let me go.

But...

he did not want to nurse!

Can you imagine? He woke a few times to veirfy I was still next to him, but did NOT ask to nurse!

WOOOHOOO! Could this be night weaning success?


On to night eleven of night weaning a toddler.

Night weaning a 2 year old, nights 8-9

Night weaning my toddler continues. We are attempting to gently night wean him and at this point are past the Dr. Gordan's three night magic trick... If you are seeing this blog for the first time, you may want to start in night weaning, night one.


I bundled nights 8 and 9 together for a simple reason - both nights I was "out" at bed time (scrapbooking on night 8 and movies with the husband on night 9). Yes, attached parents can find the balance and have a sitter (we actually have live in care of an au pair) - recommended more when the bond has been established and with a trusted caregiver, but, yes it does happen.

Both nights included not nursing to sleep and daddy helping support our 2 year old through the night. Again, my husband commented that it was around 3 am when sleep could not longer sustain and up they were. Each night, my son tends to wake at around 3 am. I did hear him on night 9 and he wasn't calling to nurse, but crying for me.

Since my husband has to travel this week, I know that I'll be supporting him at night. 

Night weaning a 2 year old - one week in

Since our son wasn't sleeping better with me in room, we decided to go back to my husband taking care of our son at night. Night seven could be the charm in night weaning, right?

If you're new to these posts, please start at night one of night weaning.

Wrong. Again, he was up for around 90 minutes in the middle of the night. At first I came to the door to make sure my husband was up with him (I heard him across the house, calling out for mama... it can be heart breaking!).

This was another night of him not falling asleep at the breast, so I think we've ruled out not having dudh/nursing before bed as the culprit for night waking. At this point, I can say he definitely likes having mama nearby at night AND he can get back to bed without nursing, BUT he's not sleeping consistently at night. He is doing the medical definition of sleep through the night (6 hours), but he's waking at around 6 hours of sleep for my husband and up for a while before heading back to sleep.

Continue to nights 8 and 9 of night weaning a two year old.

Night weaning continues - night 6

As chronicled earlier (start here for night 1), we are attempting to night wean our two year old. Night weaning is tough, even for a two year old. I don't believe in Ferber or sleep training, but I do believe that sleep is important.

In nights 1-5 I slept outside of the room my son was sleeping in (we're a room-sharing family), but since he wasn't past the area of needing mama, I decided I'd try being in room with him, co-sleeping.

My son fell asleep around 9:30, not entirely by nursing. We figured it may assist if he doesn't have the smell of milk on him at sleep (some of my friends swear by this). However, he woke first around midnight. I patted him to sleep and he was back down within a few minutes. He kept near me and kept reaching out to me, hugging and squeezing me and wanting to make sure he had contact with part of me through the night. He woke a few times through the night, each time going to sleep without nursing.

However, I'm not sure if he got more sleep than with my husband or not. He didn't fully wake at all, and didn't cry out too much, but he was restless.

Continue to part 7. One week in on night weaning.

Night five of gently night weaning a two year old

And the night weaning journey continues (read previous "episodes" here: 1, 2-3, 4)... at 25 months my son still enjoys nursing. When my daughter was this age she was mostly night weaned (but then un-night weaned, and then re-night weaned.... etc.) because I was heavily pregnant and could only handle her nursing a few times a day and for "one ABC" count down.

The cutie with no midnight "dudh."
Photo by Urban Life Photography.

Night five I slept mostly soundly. After having a lot of shooting pain in my breasts and warmth in my breast I was afraid I may be getting mastitis due to the drastic decrease in nursing, especially on my left side, so I needed to relax, drink some fluids and used plenty of garlic as a precaution. I'm still having shooting pains, but less often and no heat. If I feel it again tomorrow, I may need to figure out if I still have my Breast Pump (and hopefully have some new falanges! somewhere stored!).

Anyway, what I thought was an easy night for my husband, since I slept with the door shut, was not. We found our humidifier, (which luckily did NOT sell in our rummage sale) and purchased a new filter, hoping this would assist my son's night cough. Apparently he woke and was up for an hour and a half. So, after five nights we realize night weaning in this regard is not working. The point was to hopefully get ALL of us more sleep, not just me. So, tonight, I'll sleep in the same room as my son and comfort him to sleep.

More updates soon! Here's tonight going super smoothly :)

Updated to part 6.

Breastflow miPump Sing...$50.47 Sam's ClubBreastflow miPump Sing...$50.47 Sam's Club

Night weaning a toddler, gently - Night 4

I've read a few sites and some books on weaning. I really do want to do this as gently as possible. Again, breastfeeding shouldn't be stressful. We've made it two years and at night, I really need a bit more sleep. I will always ensure my kids are responded to as best as we can 24 hours a day.

So night 4 I stayed up a bit later than I should have (midnight) on a work night (I get up at 6 am). I went into bed after both kids nursed and were down and sawing logs for a bit.

Around 3:30 am (I found later) I heard my son SOBBING. I immediately ran to the other side of the house and listened for a second to see if I heard my husband with him. I drank some water, didn't hear anything from the door and walked in. I should have known. Of course my husband was with him. He felt defeated obviously - he was doing his best and I came in to play "supermom" - I comforted my son a bit and let my husband take back over. We all went outside because my son's night cough does a bit better without the AC drying him out and my son calmed down. We went back inside and my two year old wanted my comfort still. So, I snuggled with him and my husband went to the other room so he could get some sleep as well. I successfully was able to get my son to sleep without nursing him. A lot of cuddles (he wouldn't let go of my shirt) and patting his head gently. He asked to nurse and I reminded him that my dudhs (dudh is milk in Marathi, so that's what we call them) were sleeping and he cried a bit and I kissed his tears and he went to sleep for the night.

In the morning I was busy when he woke (working) and so he didn't nurse upon waking either. The issue came though later that day when I realized when driving both kids to swim class (around 4 pm) that no one had nursed on one side for around 20 hours. I had shooting pain (and still slightly do, though I tried to nurse more on that side this evening) and likely am facing a clogged duct. It is slightly painful. Hopefully it all is better soon and it doesn't turn to mastitis.


Read part 1
Read parts 2 and 3
(You are at night 4)
Continue to night 5

Night weaning a two year old - part two and three

So we've made it a few more days and I failed to update you on how this attempt to night wean is going.

First, I'm a full believer in the benefits to both children and mom in extended breastfeeding. The data is there, no major medical group has an upper age recommendation on breastfeeding limitations, etc. It just IS. Babies are born with immature immune systems and breastfed kids have lower rates of catching the flu/cold, etc as well as major childhood illnesses such as cancer.

So, with that all said, a big EXHALE. My son is now two and I'm ready for a night's sleep. So, we are gently and as respectfully as we can, nightweaning our 25 month old. Night two went better than night one. Again, my husband was very involved in keeping my son consoled. He's had a cough since we went to a cabin almost 4 weeks ago and it is waking him at night. When he wakes at night from coughing we're using some homeopathic medicine that includes some elderberry (read this NIH article, it works!) so it helps him, but in that waking moment he really wants mama and mama has milk. So while I'm in my daughter's room, my husband is taking care of our son, gently and lovingly. It has involved reminding him who is sleeping.

And just to remind you, my son is a comedian. The first time I told him that "it is night time, everyone's sleeping..." he stopped me dead in my tracks and said "munny mow (what he calls our cat, marathi for kitty basically) not sleeping" - yep. he got me: Cat's don't sleep at night. But you can't really go into what nocturnal means to a 2 year old in the middle of the night, can you?!

My husband also takes him outside for calm and less stuffy air. There's just no humidity here and with the AC blowing in it is even drier and he has that night time cough going on.

-----

Sleeping like a baby again? I hope!

Night three I believe I slept for possibly 5 hours straight. I don't remember the last time that happened. My husband indicated my son did wake up but I didn't hear them so my son is transitioning to falling to sleep more without nursing. However, the cough was still the thing waking him.

Read about night 4

Adventures in Gentle Night Weaning of 2 year old

My son turned two in April and we figured at age two we can begin night weaning (this working mama needs a bit more sleep!)  I have to travel to the east coast for work in July for two nights (well three, I'll likely have a red eye). So two bed times. We still nurse to sleep and I don't have any issues with that and it works for us, but after that then we say that basically my boobs are sleeping until morning time.

Night one was not too much fun. He woke up first at around 11:30 and so I snuggled with him and reminded him that they were sleeping. After around 10 minutes he fell back to sleep (I left my shirt with him and slipped out of the room.  He woke again around 1:30 and was screaming so I came back to him (He was with in the king bed with daddy and I was sleeping in our daughter's room). I tried to snuggle him, smooth his hair and remind him that "dudh" was sleeping, but he wasn't having it, so we just talked to him gently while he was upset. Then my daughter woke up so my husband had to run over to her room. She was loud in her talking (first screaming, "I ONLY WANT MOMMY") and so my son kept listening for her. Finally after around 40 minutes, he fell asleep and I went to my daughter. I explained to her that her brother was being night weaned so I had to talk to him. She said okay and then snuggled and wanted to nurse and I explained to her that she was night weaned too. I told her I needed to brush my teeth (she then told me, you better, otherwise they'll fall out). I went and brushed and when I came back she was sleeping.

A friend lent us the book "Nursies when the Sun Shines" when we were "re"night weaning my daughter and it was a beautiful book and gentle way of helping those of us "on the fringe" of nursing when we can explain night weaning to our toddler/preschoolers.

From then on both kids slept, but I felt like a zombie in the morning :) Night two to come!

*Dudh is what he calls mommy milk, it is Marathi for milk.

Part two and three
Part four
Part five
Part six
Part seven
Part eight and nine
Part ten
Part eleven
Part twelve and thirteen
Part fourteen
Part fifteen
Part sixteen

When people don't like you breastfeeding (or whatever it is you do)

When you have family members or acquaintences who do not agree with your parenting choices it can be difficult. Choose to go the higher route. Try not to get angry, like I generally do. I have a relative whom I am not close to (except in age). After a recent post (which goes into my facebook feed), this person's status updated to:

" I'm disgusted by news stories about attached parenting and extended breastfeeding. These women need to get a fkn REAL job and quit damaging their child's emotional and social development. Breastfeeding until 4-5 years old should be considered abuse. In no way is it 'helping' the child. If your kid can say and spell milk- they should be drinking it from a cup. Ew. Let your kid grow up and cut the cord already!"

We cannot control another person's opinion

But one would hope that a nurse (that's the relative's profession) would understand that breastfeeding is important and has health benefits. But, I'd love to know (from another nurse perhaps) what sort of nutrition topics are covered in their schooling. Apparently it doesn't include things such breastfeeding benefits:

- breastfeeding exclusive more than 6 months protects against childhood cancers and duration has a huge impact on whether a child gets childhood cancer

- breastfeeding is legal through out the US

- children are born with an immature immune system, that doesn't fully develop until around age 6. Breastmilk helps the system complete and makes up for that immaturity (and well, breastmilk contains stem cells as well! imagine that!!)

- another woman's breastfeeding is none of her business.

I have to remember that someone else's issues with breastfeeding and attachment parenting have nothing to do with me. Instead, if she has an issue, it has something to do with her. When I have an issue with someone glorifying spanking, I know it is because I wish it wasn't something that crossed my mind at times. I don't like spanking and it may seem in the immediate term SO EASY, but long-term I know it isn't a good option.

At the short term, for many parents not breastfeeding works well, but I choose to because I know that long-term I'm doing great for my children.

In the long run, I can choose to not react. I can choose to attempt to educate through awareness. But in the long run, what we want is to "judge not lest thee be judged." I don't care what your religious beliefs are - if you can get through the day and not think my parenting choices are okay but still see me as a mom trying to do her best, I'll be okay with what you choose to do as well.

So to those who worry about whether my kids need a nursing break at school... they don't. She went to preschool at three and did not get sent home to breastfeed.

(Note, I was teetering on whether or not to include her actual post, and decide that I should. It doesn't say her name, but it shows that yes, awareness is needed on this topic. Not just the idea that moms breastfeed for longer than the minimum WHO recommendation (of two years), but that we should show more support for each other, even if we don't always agree.) This relative couldn't have been talking to me because besides being a mom, I do have a second real job AND my 4 year old can't spell milk :) But soon she could be! EEK!

Peace to all the moms out there. It is tough enough without the craziness.

Organizing your kids, um... stuff

There are a variety of methods to organizing your kids stuff.

I know many of us start with a simple room. I know I started with a simple crib, no real toys (I had read, Buy, Buy Baby during pregnancy)... and then guess what. We have an explosion and two kids later, the crib was only used as a bed... 4 years later!

We now do our best to utilize bins and now my goal is to keep everything in the CORRECT bins. I attempted to use the high/scope idea - group in areas (reading/pretend play/building, etc) and then label with a picture and the words.




A walk around the formal living/dining. I mean, play area.









 


If we have this extremely unorganized attempt for craft supplies...



Why do we have this?
 

 

How do you keep your kid's space organized? What tools do you use to encourage proper use/storage of the toys? Our goal is to have intrinsic motivation and our 4 year old is getting used to an item being lost meaning she needs to find it or go without. We can help remind her to put things away properly, but she's beginning to get old enough to understand that she has to take pride in what is hers. If we only pick up after her and spend 45 minutes finding one piece of a set after she didn't put it away, we're only encouraging her to not put things away. The natural consequence to leaving something out is that it would get lost. Or, if it is in the way of another family member, we can bring it to their attention or we can take care of it, perhaps by it being put away for a while, especially if someone was hurt by it.

But the point is to find something that works for you and your family. Something that shows respect to the kids and also so they can learn respect of the items AND your home.

Choose to be a parent, or don't have kids

Recently I've been reminded of the thought of "choosing" to be a parent in a few ways. First, my lovely college friends came to visit and they're all sans-kids. Second, there's been discussion in online forums I'm in regarding the obligatory kids. Finally, there's a post going around about the people who should have fish instead of kids.

With the college friends the thoughts/discussion wasn't directly related to parenting, but there was discussion at points about who is pregnant or trying. My thought on the topic is it is best not to ask a married couple. If someone doesn't volunteer to tell me they're trying or pregnant, it is for a reason. Either they're not close to me or they aren't interested in being parents.

I say "interested in being parents" because I believe there's a huge difference between having kids and being parents. 

So we've hit our 30s and my kid-less friends may have the biological clock alarm going off in their mind/body/spirit. Heck they may even be ovulating triple time. Who knows. Anyway, if a person doesn't want to be a parent, that is fine! They don't need to have kids. But they need to check where they are - what are their fears in becoming a parent? What are their fears of not ever being called "mommy." Look at what you'll enjoy and regret and see if you are okay to make that next step. Unfortunately for women, you can't always just do it later.

The other topic came from the idea that there is familial (and societal) pressure to have kids. We don't have pressure to become parents, we have pressure to have kids. Whether it is to carry on the family name or to give the (grand)parents a reason to come visit, many married couples (and single women definitely as well) get the pressure to procreate. BUT that pressure doesn't come with a warning that having kids means being a parent and gosh-darn-it things change. Who has these obligatory kids? Many couples. College. Check. Married. Check. Kids... um... check?

Think before you have kids.

Finally, there's a post going around social media about the mom who tells the other moms to have a dog, no wait, a fish instead.

Yes, parenting changes you. No, we don't all want to do things the same way. Yes, there may be different ways. No, there aren't guarantees that any one "method" will work. BUT, the fact remains, I think many of the people who have kids but aren't interested in being parents do find their kids to be an inconvenience. 

I mean, heck. I willingly CHOSE to be a parent, and yes I can't do all the things I did before, BUT, there's a difference between being inconvenienced and morphing with the changes that have happened in your life.

If you find yourself with pressure to have kids, ask yourself. Do you want kids or do you want to be a parent? If your parents or in-laws are asking why you aren't pregnant yet, tell them the truth: You're not ready to be a parent, You're trying but things aren't working or you just don't plan to be a parent. It is no longer about you when you become a parent and really, some of us aren't ready for that transition.

There are plenty of reasons to want to be a parent. Kids can be a lot of joy! But, really... don't have kids to just have them raised by someone else because you're told that some relative needs you to have kids. If you think you want kids and you want to be a parent... be willing to let go of some of your "old" life. Becoming a parent changes you... and it is okay to have that change.

Elimination Communication - EC - Infant Potty Training, Diaper Free Babies

What is it about spending $.25-.40 cents per poop or pee that Americans just love? I mean we might as well just throw it in the trash, unless of course you're using cloth diapers.

Cloth diapers can save a family thousands of dollars. While not all of us cloth diaper for the economic reasons, others do it for the environment, allergies, or to avoid the chemicals in paper diapers.

However, some of us hate laundry.

If that's the case, consider a diaper free baby. What's that? Just that - a baby free of diapers. At some point in your parenting career, whether you choose to use cloth or paper, you'll get to a point where you're sick of diapers. And, unless you're willing to wait for your kiddo to really be ready for potty learning, pressuring a child to "go" just doesn't work well, and there are indications that pressure tactics aren't effective (not does it help with the bond you have with your child). But, elimination communication really is different. Babies aren't born wanting to pee on themselves. They don't WANT to be in their own excrement. Really. Ask most parents... the moment you put the new diaper on, out comes the wee-wee. Open the diaper, and pee in the eye. It happens. 

With our daughter we started around 7 months with potty time - we were on vacation in Cancun, I brought along just around 10 cloth diapers and figured we'd spend time at the ocean sans-diaper and the rest I'd rinse/wash by hand and hang to dry in the sun. Well at around that time we noticed that she always woke from her nap DRY. So we used that opportunity to just start putting her on the potty when she awoke. We had good success with this and she was signaling to us from an early age when she had to go and would often wait until we put her on.

Shown with the BABYBJÖRN Potty Chair, Blue

With our son we've been less consistent, but we did start putting him on the potty when he started sitting. However, he's a different personality and honestly, for some reason, prefers his cloth diapers (especially his apple diapers!), but will sit on the potty if someone's in there with him and if he's not just waking up! I know if we'd been more consistent (and likely with one kiddo it was easier), we'd be catching more, if not all of his eliminations. One option is the Waterproof Bassinet Pad but for a larger baby or toddler consider Fitted Crib Pad.

Shown with the Itty Bitty Potty

Elimination communication versus potty training/learning is basically any time before they're really able to verbalize their need, etc. Start with that dry time and keep it low stress. When he goes, even if it isn't on the potty, show him the signal and say "potty" or "sss" (if he's not yet verbal). The signal is generally the pinky finger.

We haven't ventured much into night time EC, but if you do, use a wool or cotton piddle pad, on their sleeping area, and on top of that put a towel. They sleep there. If you co-sleep, and they start moving around, put them on the potty. Often this does mean there's a potty in the bedroom.

Of course, if you do sleep share, keep it safe and only do it if you are comfortable and otherwise CAN share sleep safely.

Happy potty time!