Striving for better, not perfection as a parent

As a parent, we start each day, often earlier than originally planned, but each day can be better.

I know that I feel like I'm never at my best, but I can strive for better.

I can know better and then do better.

I know I often hear that knowing better only causes guilt. Does this mean we should fail to recognize our room for growth and instead just "be" and never know how much better we could have been?

If a friend said they were just dong "okay," do we just pretend that's fine or do we ask what we can do or give them a hug? 

If we're just barely making it financially, we can just pretend that's fine but it is better for all around if we can remove barriers (expenses) or increase what we have coming in (income)?

Parenting is the same. We have struggles. We have days when we don't know how we did or how we'll do it tomorrow, but we can give those hugs when times are tough, remove barriers to a more smooth day (such as unnecessary "no" answers) and increase those things that help things go smoother (giving more time to get somewhere, for example). 

So tomorrow, or if it is still night time and your little one wakes up for the 12th time, give them a hug, help them back to bed and in the morning... remove the barriers to better by learning what works for you and your kiddos! Then, recharge yourself with something to relax so that the next day, you may just have that much more ability to strive to be that better parent you want to be. 

Don't be afraid to learn that what you previously thought may not be best. It was what you did when you didn't know better. We all face this and we only grow if we're willing to accept where we were, strive for better and be at peace with the past. 

Something for daughter- Hello Kitty Skirt

I have enough fabric to start a small store, I swear, but not enough time to sew a thing! I promised a skirt to my daughter and promised myself I'd keep the promise... so I whipped out this quick skirt... didn't even prewash (gave some extra room on the waist in case) or iron... But here we go. If it is still a bit big on the waist after washing, I left a small opening so I can go ahead and take out some of the elastic.

Tried to make a bit of a decorative hem

Mommy must have - Pedicure date with daughter - Piggy Paint

Mommy daughter time is important to keep the bond and also give both parties a chance to reconnect. I'm finding this to be especially important now that my daughter is in school and I'm still working.

Piggy Paint is a more natural option for families: formaldehyde- and cruelty- free, it is great for kids and pregnant moms. My daughter loves to paint her fingers each a different color. I love that with two coats, it stays nicely on my toes for a while as well! For the sensitive nose, it doesn't smell bad either. My favorite part is that

In love with her sparkly toes.

You can buy piggy paint at some select stores, but buy through www.piggypaint.com and save 15% with code WELOVEGABBY

This is part of the mommy must have event - please visit the main page to try to WIN $25 gift card to Piggy Paint and other great prizes and read about more awesome mommy must have items!

Proof that this stuff is thick!
This is how my 4 year old paints my toes
 (not just the nails!)

Disclosure: I received test bottles to use for this review. It does not impact my opinion or what I write here :)

CDC or WHO Growth Scales - Watch your baby not the scale

Watch your baby, not the scale
Watch your baby, not other babies
Watch your baby, not some blog :)

Really moms, please know that every baby is different. If you are worried about your baby's development, than likely most of this post doesn't apply to you. But for most of us, our babies are all individually developing on their own scale and to think of percentiles too much, especially when most pediatricians are using the extremely out-dated and (especially for breastfed babies) irrelevant scales created by the CDC.

My two "underweight" kids. Both thriving. Both breastfed. Both born of a short mom and a thin dad of East Asian descent. Because you know... genetics matter....

Why is this? Perhaps because even the CDC recommends using the WHO forms. They recommend this update because:

"Healthy breastfed infants typically gain weight faster than formula-fed infants in the first few months of life but then gain weight more slowly for the remainder of infancy (25,26). Therefore, in the first few months of life, WHO curves show a faster rate of weight gain than the CDC charts for boys and girls (Figures 2 and 3). Use of the WHO charts in the United States might lead to an increase in the misperception of poor growth at this age." (CDC)

So basically today's overweight (mostly) white Americans adults were the formula (fattened) babies we are comparing our (increasingly) breastfed babies, many of whom aren't white.


Simplified their reasoning includes:

• The WHO standards establish growth of the breastfed infant as the norm for growth.
  Breastfeeding is the recommended standard for infant feeding. The WHO charts reflect growth patterns among children who were predominantly breastfed for at least 4 months and still breastfeeding at 12 months.
• The WHO standards provide a better description of physiological growth in infancy.
  Clinicians often use the CDC growth charts as standards on how young children should grow. However the CDC growth charts are references; they identify how typical children in the US did grow during a specific time period. Typical growth patterns may not be ideal growth patterns. The WHO growth charts are standards; they identify how children should grow when provided optimal conditions.
• The WHO standards are based on a high-quality study designed explicitly for creating growth charts.
  The WHO standards were constructed using longitudinal length and weight data measured at frequent intervals. For the CDC growth charts, weight data were not available between birth and 3 months of age and the sample sizes were small for sex and age groups during the first 6 months of age.

From the CDC: "The curves were anchored at birth using national birth weight data obtained from U.S. birth certificates from 1968--1980 and 1985--1994 and birth length data from Wisconsin and Missouri birth certificates (the only states with these data available on birth certificates) from 1989--1995"

Further, the WHO uses more standard deviations of normal/average. Thus, they have a line for 3 percent and 97 percent... rather than just "below 5th" percentile.

Next time you visit your pediatrician, ask if they're using the CDC or WHO scale for your breastfed baby. If they're using CDC, ask them why they haven't updated to what is relevant to your baby.

And if you are breastfeeding and your baby is thriving and keeping on a decent growth path (not crossing "two lines" on the correct scale... and your pediatrician asks you to supplement (or stop breastfeeding) ask these questions:

• If my child was at the 95th (90th, basically opposite of the percentile they're indicating) would you recommend I put my infant on a diet?
• Can I weigh baby pre and post feeding to see how much baby is getting?
• (Especially in young babies) Can you check my baby for a tongue tie?
• What percent of infants are breastfed to 6 and 12 months here (American Academy of Pediatrics recommendation)? 24 months (WHO recommendation)?
• Do you mind if I breastfeed here?
• Is there a reason you don't have a breastfeeding-friendly waiting area with an area for moms to breastfeed?
• Do you enjoy causing mommy guilt and paranoia?

For the WHO and CDC growth charts directly, click here.

For free breastfeeding support, advice and possibly great friendships, find your local Le Leche League.

Women need support in breastfeeding, not criticism of what isn't working. Find that help and get to where you need to be so that you're comfortable with where you are in you and your baby/toddler/child's relationship.

Have confidence! According to a study in Sweden, 99 percent of women can successfully breastfeed. There are some medical conditions that can affect you, but reach out for support and know that you can give the wonderful gift of human milk to your baby/infant/toddler.


CDC= Centers for Disease Control
WHO= World Health Organization

 The Baby Book: 
 

A parenting thought...

I really believe that you can't be offended by someone's comments if you are secure in your belief/decision. When someone says something to you that offends you, or if you read one of my posts or shares, don't get down on yourself. Every family is different. When you compare with other families you will either judge or feel bad until you are content with what YOU have.

If you think someone is judging you, especially if it is fact-based post, then consider where you are in your journey. We all have faults. We all make mistakes. We all have times of insecurity. We all have our vices. Do YOUR best and be honest with yourself and things should work out just fine :)

Peace!

Finding local fun

Most of my posts center around either "facts and descriptions" or rants. This one is a bit more up-beat, I suppose. One part of parenting is finding that thing that keeps your family moving. In these days, we often are overwhelmed by technology: You may have computers (thank you for reading this blog!), TiVo, gaming systems, ipads, handheld reading divices and more. The list for "things" we have in our homes that prevent us from really engaging our children would probably be longer: bouncers, jumpers, cradles, cribs, swings, gates, talking toys, handheld gaming systems....

Riding a big kid bike at the local Children's Museum.

To have that bond with your children, you really need to get to know them. Play with them, let them take the lead. Don't use "there's nothing to do" or "the weather here sucks to go out doors" as excuses. That's what they are. They aren't reasons, afterall. Instead, find that something that you all can enjoy and interact. Find something outide your comfort zone even. Try something new!

Today we were able to spend a three hours at our local children's museum. It was a good time for both kids, and I found out that in the past three weeks my 3-year-old has grown enough to now be the "driver" on the big kids bikes! My 11-month-old was able to interact a bit with some other "babies" and loved walking through the "carwash" because there was a drying station where a fan blew his hair crazy. These are the moments that help you bond and get to know your children.

Crawl on the floor with them. Go on a bug hunt. Head to the park. Make a fort. Grab a guitar and pretend to play if you can't and have a jam session. Let it go, be free and have fun!

"Best Bottle Holder Around"

wouldn't that be a mom, or other loving care giver? According to http://www.bellababydesigns.net/ - it is a bottle proper. Another way for a parent to be unattached from their baby. I saw this item advertised in Kiwi Magazine, a magazine for "green" families - afterall, their tag line is "growing families the natural and organic way." While not all green families breastfeed by any means, at least most of the green parents I know who may decide to bottle feed full or part time tend to hold their kids when feeding their babies, at least until the age when they no longer need assistance. But a bottle holder called "Baba buddy" just screams anti-attachment. Their advertisement indicates "Use it in car seats, strollers, cribs, bouncy seats, and high chairs" - sorry, I'd have to say this item is totally wrong. Can someone please tell me an instance or why this item would be beneficial in raising healthy, secure children? Besides the attachment issue, isn't this a choking hazard?

(Photos courtesy amazon.com)

My thought? I hope parents aren't buying this product. If they are, I hope they're supervising their baby while their baby is being forcefed and unable to stop eating on their own.

Forming a bond, before birth

With my first pregnancy, I read everything that was happening that day, week, month with in my body. I read about birth. I wanted to form an attachment from birth, so I wanted to have a natural birth. I wanted to experience labor, I wanted to breastfeed early on. I did form an attachment, but it wasn't immediate. I was on an operating table. I didn't have a natural birth. I was talked into an epidural. I was talked into internal monitoring. I was worn out and I agreed to a cesarean. One that was unnecessary.

I am now okay with that cesarean. However, I’m not okay with the policies that many doctors and hospitals want to place on me. I’m not okay with the fact that the OB I had switched to had decided it was NECESSARY for me to have an epidural upon admission. Why? In case I had to have a cesarean. Her reason? It would be easier for me? When I said I'd prefer not to have it, she told me of this woman and that who said they couldn't do the VBAC without it. How do they know...? Are they me?

I said I wanted to be able to feel the birth and I thought it would help because isn’t that how a woman knows if she’s rupturing? You don’t SEE the rupture, a woman feels it first and there’s a change in heart rate. Right? If that were to happen, I can have a spinal and undergo a STAT cesarean (different than an emergency cesarean birth). So yes, after I was told that I could not opt out of the epidural (their VBAC knowledge/consent for TOL form had it on there, not as a bullet but buried), I switched to a hospital-based midwife-group. One that is not requiring an epidural. I will be able to head into the hospital and move through labor. I will be able to be in better position for giving birth, rather than flat on my back so the baby's head can crash into my tailbone.

This time around, I’m prepared for the birth. I know facts. I know statistics. I know my body. I know hospital policies. I know that in the state of Arizona I cannot be assisted at home by a homebirth midwife. That’s politics. I can however, choose to go unassisted and make the decision to head into the hospital when and if I feel it is necessary. I will make that decision for me and my child. This has been my bonding with him. I feel as though I may have missed out on knowing the exact day he had eye lashes, but I know that in just a short time, his birth will finish healing me.

… and from there, I will breastfeed early on. I will snuggle him. I will not allow his vernix to be wiped off. I won’t have him separated for me unnecessarily. I won’t have to worry about whether or not my husband knows how to hold him and snuggle with him.