Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Oh, The Places You'll Go for Parents

Anyone up for some Dr. Seuss Fan Fiction? or maybe it isn't too much of fiction!

But my attempt to relax while some big decisions are made!


Today is the day.
You're off to Costco!
You're off and away!

You have the list in your head.
You have kids actually wearing shoes.
You can steer the cart
away from the toys if you choose.
You're not on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the parent who must fill the cart before the kids have to go.

You'll look up and down aisles. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of thoughts and your hair full of bile,
you're too smart to go down any chocolate-filled aisle.

And you may not find any
snacks acceptable for allergy-friendly party.
In that case, of course,
you'll head to Whole Foods and hope your kids don't think it is a roller derby .

It's organic there
in the Whole Pay check place.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to parents as conscientious
and caring as you.

And then things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't be a fool.
Pay attention.
Your kids will be part of it too!


You'll be on your way home!
You'll be seeing red lights!
You'll join the other parents
who turn up the radio to not have to hear the fights.

You won't stop at Target, because you'll have forgot the rest.
You'll pass your exit and you'll soon remember.
Whenever you drive, someone has to go pee and
When you arrive, someone else has fallen asleep

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your MNO drive will drive on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the labels are not clearly marked.
Some PTAs will be welcoming, But mostly they're not.
A place perhaps that is less than working- parent welcoming!
Do you dare to stay home? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you gain?

And IF you go in, should you do day care or work at night...
or find an au pair and or Ms. Poppins? Or, maybe, someone not quite?
Or just stay home with the kids and practically lose your mind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mommy-of -any kind to make up her mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll think you have found the perfect solution
for whatever it is that is currently happening

and soon enough you'll find  you're,
headed, to your biggest fear
The Waiting Place...

...for parents just waiting.
Waiting for a playmate to go
or a poop to come, or a rash to go
or the fluffy mail to come, or the heat to go
or the phone to ring, or the library fines to go
or the waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their bangs to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the kid to take a bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for mommy's night
or waiting, perhaps, for a grandparent to visit
or a pot to boil, or the end of a hissy-fit
or a uniform shirt, or a pair of pants
or the stop of a hurt, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying
You'll find the close friends
whose houses are for playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the realm.
Ready because you're that kind of a mom!

Oh, the places you'll go! There are chores to be done!
There are games to be played. There are baths to be given.
And the magical things you can do with a kitchenaid
will make you the best stepford wife of all.
Dreams! You'll be as infamous as mommies can be,
with the whole wide world watching you parent on TV.

Except that's your nightmare
Because, sometimes we fret

I'm afraid that some times
you'll be part of mommy wars too
Wars that can't be won

Because we're all at fault too

Whether you like it or not,
Alone is something
you'll never be ever again.

And when you're surrounded, there's a very good chance
you'll eat things that keep you right out an sort of skinny pants.
There are some, down the road between Starbucks and Playgroup,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the diaper be foul.
On you will go
though your toddlers prowl.
On you will go
though the toy aisle.
Reading up many
a school profile,
though your arms may get sore
and the diapers may leak.

On and on you will love,
And I know you'll love far
and keep the kissing and hugging going
until sleepy they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange play dates as you go.
At times be sure when you speak.
Speak with care and have some tact
and remember that Parenting's
a most important act.
Just never foget to be humble and deft.
And teach your kids that it is okay to mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

Your kid may not move mountains
but that is okay!

If your kid is named Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,

Understand you'll get comments,
but brush them off with ease

You're off the Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain of clothes is waiting.
So...get on your way!