Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Attached, working parents

Conscious parenting is hard. I really feel like I've started a post this way before... hmm... Conscious working parenting is even more difficult and some likely consider it an oxymoron.

Where is mama?
I work full time and have the luxury of doing a job I generally enjoy, and do it from home. We have live-in child care (an au pair, currently from Germany). But at times, duty calls and I have to travel. On days I'm away, my husband generally telecommutes. Bar one time, I've always taken a baby with me  if I'm gone over night(basically if they fly free they come along). That one time was the first time. Two other times I've gone from Phoenix to the east coast on a red eye, after baby went to sleep and arrived back to sleep with the baby the next night.

However, now I'm travelling, my older child is 3 and younger one is almost 1. It was hard to leave the older one this week. We did what we could to prepare her. Explaining in advance I'd be going for work. Agreeing to call to talk to her, etc. She seems to be handling it quite well, but I still feel that guilty twinge of regret. I really don't want to have to be away or miss ANY thing. Today I read her goodnight moon, yesterday we did our regular "once upon a time" to discuss her day. One day I'll miss these and not be able to get them back, so I really want to not miss things I don't have to miss.

My younger one comes along and I am able to ask a friend where I'm travelling to watch the baby while I'm gone during the day. I can pump and baby can still get mostly fresh breastmilk, but it still is me, being away more than I'd like to at this point.

I know we all make choices in parenting, and often we can't always know in advance which will actually be the best in the long run.

Hopefully what I'm missing now because I'm working will be gained in other respects. Rationalizing or hope? I'm not yet sure.

No comments: